Don't get me wrong, we are really enjoying are experience in Munich. Just take a look at my post from last week if you don't believe me! But it's not all butterflies and rainbows over here. There are definitely some difficult days. Here's a list of our biggest challenges.
5. The unexpected. As I mentioned in the positive things list, we are planners. So the constant unexpected situations we are faced with can be stressful for us. Will Matt like his job? Will our German friends like us? Will we ever learn German? Will my doctor be able to speak English to me? Will I be able to communicate with the guy that's coming to inspect our heater? Will Kristin get a job? etc. etc., the list goes on. We can't always predict how things are going to work out. And that is unsettling. Plus, just when you are getting comfortable with things, another new challenge presents itself. When I travel back to the States now, it literally feels like I can breathe and just relax and not be anxious about anything.
4. Never really feeling like we're "at home." This one is a bit hard to explain I guess. We really have settled into our apartment, but I sometimes still feel like we're just visiting. Even though we will be here for at least two years, I still always think of this situation as temporary. Also, although we have bought tons of our own furniture and decorated with lots of photos, we haven't painted the walls and fully made this apartment our own. I painted some of the walls in our apartment in Conshohocken, but I was annoyed when I had to paint them back and I knew I wouldn't feel like doing that here. So we just have all white walls, which is pretty boring. I also am hesitant to put tons of holes in the walls (the walls are different here and the few things we have put up we're a bit challenging haha). Again, this kind of adds to the feeling of the apartment not being truly ours. Also, I really miss our old couch haha. Silly, I know. But it's funny how the little things really matter.
Additionally, it's really strange to live in a country where you aren't actually from. I think that living in a different city in America isn't really the same thing because at least you still share with everyone the fact that you are all from the same country. But it's super weird to not have that underlying similarity with the people you see everyday. I feel like we will always be "the Americans." Not like I'm ashamed to be American; it's just bizarre to always be identified by what makes you an outsider, so to speak. Again, it's not really a huge problem, it's just a weird feeling that can add to the homesickness that I feel from time to time.
3. Not being fluent in the language. There's a reason for the title of this blog being "We Wish We Spoke German." Like, we really do. All the time. I get really anxious in situations when I think the other person might not speak English. I always feel so stupid when I can't communicate. I realize that I will never see most of these people ever again, but I really hate feeling unintelligent. It's embarrassing. The language barrier can also make everyday, easy tasks difficult. We have to translate the mail we receive from our bank, our Internet provider, our building manager, etc. It gets old, and fast. There is also always a feeling of self-doubt, and what if we missed something important? And while our friends all speak fantastic English (seriously), I still feel the presence of the language barrier sometimes. Certain sayings and "deeper" comments sometimes get lost in translation. It doesn't prevent us from building really great relationships, but I can't help but think that these relationships will never be like the ones we have with our friends back in the States.
2. Missing friends and family. Speaking of those friends... It's really difficult to be away from all of the people you love so much. It is easy to feel isolated and alone from time to time. Although we lived away from our families when we were in Philly, we still managed to see them at least once every two months or so. Going so long without spending time with people is really hard. The time differences also makes it difficult to frequently communicate with everyone. I used to be able to call people on my way home from work for a quick chat, but I've lost that convenience now. It's also difficult to be away from our nephews, as these are such fun times in their lives. We always feel like we're missing important moments and events. As for our friends, we're missing some really important moments in their lives. We're invited to 5 weddings this year. 5! Unfortunately, I don't know if we will be able to make it to a single one. And they are all people that I would call my "best" friends. It really will be difficult to miss these, but what can we do? The flights are just so expensive. From time to time, I worry -- will our most important relationships suffer from this decision we made to live in another country? In the end, I think that the people that care the most will understand and that it won't be such a big deal. I hope so, anyways.
1. Unemployment. (for me, not Matt, obviously) This is by far the major "black cloud" ominously floating over this, otherwise wonderful, experience. It has been a continuous struggle for me, and I know that Matt feels terribly about it, as well. Don't get me wrong -- I can find ways to keep myself busy. And fortunately, we can afford for me not to work, which is not the case for a lot of people, I know. So I consider myself fortunate. But I've worked so hard in school and at my former job, and it's really difficult to not be able to continue on that path. I'd like to have my days be a little more fulfilling. Although I didn't start applying for jobs until November, I have applied for quite a few, most of which I am over-qualified for -- except for that tiny problem that, oh yeah, I'm not fluent in German. This is a much bigger obstacle than we had predicted. Although there are plenty of large, international companies located here in Munich, they still want you to be able to speak German. It makes sense, especially for the Big 4 companies like PwC, which are client-serving industries. Of course the client would want to speak their native language! But I still thought that maybe I could find SOMETHING where my native English skills would be beneficial. Another problem is that most well-educated Germans speak pretty good English. And German. So how can I compete with that? I am still applying for jobs and Munich Re has been exploring possibilities for me, as well, but I am not that optimistic anymore. I'm trying to let go of control and not get down on myself about it, but that isn't always easy. We received some disheartening news about one lead last week and since then, have re-adjusted our expectations. I will just have to continue to find ways to keep myself busy during the week. Fortunately, Matt doesn't work long hours and doesn't have to travel for work, so it's not so bad. I just try to focus on the positives instead of the frustrations.
So those are the downsides of this experience. Nothing is ever perfect, and living abroad certainly is not an exception. It would be a lie if we told you we are 100% happy all of the time. But in moments of distress when we are dealing with these issues, we just focus on the positives and then it is clear that we made the right choice to try this out. We never regret our decision to come and as I mentioned in the positive list, these challenges only make us stronger as individuals, as well as a couple. And that's the best part.
Cheers,
Kristin and Matt
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